So, I found myself in Ul'dah.
I thought it would be funnier than a bard's hat to sabotage the Aetheryte Plaza crystal so when anyone tried teleporting to it they'd be sent straight to the sewer! I was casing the area first so I'd know where the Brass Blades and Sultansworn would be arriving from; while I was up in the Husting Strip I saw something that made me stop in my tracks and forget what I was doing.
I saw my new henchman.
A smol, adorable black coeurl kitten! No doubt on it's way to the Gold Saucer as a prize or perhaps a prize someone already won, I wasn't too sure. In any case, I heard its cries for wealth and fortune so I sprinted to it's side, knocking a Roegadyn in a fluffy coat, or maybe a Hrothgar, over the partition (I'm sure they're fine--cats land on their feet, right?).
Now, with my new henchman named Mirage, I can finally cross off that last bit on my To Do List and turn our gaze to the bright future ahead of us, shimmering and gleaming with mountains of Gil!
(Note to self: Buy sunglasses for the Thanalan deserts.)
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As one who plays Path of Exile, I can confirm that being sent to the sewer is a fate worse than death.